Chapter Four
What kind of relationship
do you want with Jesus Christ?
On your mission, worship was structured for you. Study time was scheduled. Prayer was constant. Then you came home, and the structure disappeared — and a lot of returned missionaries quietly conclude their faith is weakening when what actually changed was the scaffolding.
The core idea
Discipleship, not convenience
There were Sundays when staying home felt easier. There were moments when I questioned whether I really belonged. And then came a moment I still remember clearly: sitting in my car outside the chapel, hands on the wheel, trying to decide whether to walk in or go home.
I realized that if I let how I felt in that moment decide my choices, I’d become the kind of man who follows convenience instead of conviction. So I opened the car door and walked inside.
You can’t recreate mission-level worship inside adult life, and trying to is why so many returned missionaries burn out. What you can build is a Spiritual Rhythm — something sustainable, honest, and yours. And it starts by telling the difference between what you do because it brings you closer to Christ, and what you do because the culture expects it.
From Start Now · Faith
Define the relationship you want with Jesus Christ
Nothing will shape your future more than the strength of your relationship with God. Five things, starting today.
Write the kind of disciple you want to become
Take ten minutes. Not the disciple you think you should be, or the one that would impress your ward. The one you actually want to become, especially when it’s hard.
Name one habit that isn’t actually helping
Identify one spiritual habit you’re doing right now that isn’t bringing you closer to Christ — something you do out of culture or pressure rather than conviction.
This is not permission to quit hard things. It’s permission to be honest about which things are actually working.
Replace it with something that genuinely lifts you
Swap it for something real. A short walk with God. One verse you sit with instead of a chapter you skim. A different kind of prayer — one where you mostly listen.
Choose one action and do it every day this week
This is the first play in your new Spiritual Playbook. Small and consistent beats ambitious and abandoned.
Small, consistent steps create real spiritual momentum. Seven days. Then reassess.
When you don’t get a clear answer — the Stop Me Prayer
The absence of clear confirmation is where many returned missionaries freeze — expecting mission-style revelation while living in a non-mission world. Revelation in adulthood is usually quiet and incremental: peace, clarity, a gentle nudge, a sense that something fits, or a subtle redirection.
Once you’ve verified what you can, discerned your options, sought wise counsel, measured the decision against your Identity Standard, and prayed sincerely — don’t use uncertainty as an excuse to stay still. Ben’s friend Steven Sharp Nelson once shared a prayer for exactly this moment — the Stop Me Prayer.
It does two things: it gives you the courage to move without a perfect answer, and it releases the fear of choosing wrong by keeping you humble, attentive, and willing to be redirected.
God may redirect you through persistent discomfort, a lack of peace, wise counsel, new information, or circumstances you can’t ignore. But don’t treat every obstacle as a no. Some resistance is redirection. Some is simply the cost of moving forward.
Your identity tells you who you are. Your relationship with God guides who you’re becoming. Once those two are aligned, every other decision gets clearer.
Chapter 4 in full
This is the short version
The full chapter walks through Discover, Refine, Build, and Strive for your relationship with Christ — including how to tell the difference between following Christ and following Church culture, and what to do in the seasons when God feels silent.
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